Nicole

In Kentucky, slightly miserable.

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 03:58:03 GMT

I like Kentucky alright, I like seeing Jen and going to the zoo. But I should have just feigned a job interview and stayed home. Krist has 3 days in a row off, which bums me out cuz when I get back for the next weekend hell have to work those days...and itd be ideal if I had a job in Rochester by then. Im just sad a bit, its such a waste of hopefully one of my last free weekends.

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 21:42:09 GMT

The first day I met you. You criticized my haircut and flannel shirt, crushed my finger and sang Screaming Infidelities in the car on the way home at the top of you're lungs, you nerd. Exactly a week later you were surprising me at school and singing Saves The Day on the way home with me, I was intrigued. Three days later you brought me a zombie comic book, a huge one, and we drove hours in a car talking, and we fell asleep together in the back seat under blankets on the way home, waking only to find too much snow to continue. Im not a creep for remembering these days like this, I just tend to remember days I go to shows and for awhile it was the only time we could see each other. And in three more days after that, I brought you cokes out to the car and sat as far away from you as possible, apologizing when our knees touched, awkward because of things not our fault, but by the end of the night we were holding hands under the blanket and sleeping through the snow storm, a country away. 2 days later, on Thanksgiving, I showed up to start a 4 day trek through several states, we watched movies and you put on a piano-tribute Cure album and we laid under a blanket shared on a familiar futon and you kissed me for the first time, furthering my belief in the magic of snow. The next 4 days were blurs of secret hand holding and ear fiddling, dramatic car rides and people arguing, diners and dirty hair, cute notes and shitty yet memorable pop-punk shows. I could go on but frankly the only thing that I think matters right now is it went from frozen snow filled freezing, awkward road trips and nights with nowhere to go, to a fan plugged in and sitting on your trunk in our bedroom where we live now.

Wed, 13 May 2009 04:16:00 GMT

It was one in the morning, we were sleepy and bored, we were broke. It was a perfect, calm snow like under the street lamps in Narnia. Perfect conditions that require sleds, which you'd gotten a couple days before. I was so excited. No one ever wants to go sledding with me it seems. I wore Mary's old coat and you had my red gloves. We drove out to a perfect hill, behind a castle. It wasn't really a castle but snow makes everything magical. We sledded down separately twice, you laughed when I crashed face first into a bush. It hurt, but I love feeling anything. The last time we headed down, we sat intertwined facing each other. Upon hitting a hidden and buried pile of leaves, we went flying and tumbling everywhere. I think I kicked you in the head, because you had to check for your earrings. It was freezing and we were soaked. We stood embraced and I watched the snow fall on your back and shoulders. My glasses were fogged. When we got back you made fun of my wet clothes, since I didn't bring extras. We kissed and laid together and fell asleep under dirty blankets that smelled like wet car and metal. It kept snowing.

I need to stop digging around and finding things I don't need to see.

Thu, 07 May 2009 05:20:30 GMT

There's a point in writing out a whole long list of stuff that I saw and thought and enjoyed in Chicago and then letting those thoughts lead on to whatever okay.

Burning Fight was real cool. I think Krist thinks I was bored by it or was just some unappreciative asshole even, but I wasn't. I loved being there and the atmosphere and seeing so many bands that I've never seen before and hearing dudes talk inbetween sets and songs and seeing people get along. I loved looking around and seeing no one else that I really actually knew and I could stand there and just be there.

I loved standing up on the balcony and seeing Krist, Chris Gutierrez, Dave Cronin and Charlie all moshing and singing along to the same song with John McKaig taking photos of it all and the people around me all smiling. I loved coming into it only knowing so much. I loved seeing so many people I know from the Internet in real life, and I loved the streets and lights and homeless people that are so much nicer than Rochester homeless people. I loved getting blisters and bruises and having Krist tell me to stop complaining and stop riding like a girl and I love noticing haircuts and forms. I love sleeping not in my bed, anywhere but in my bed. I love travelers. I could live in Chicago.

I suck for losing my debit card and even more stupid for almost losing the apartment because of it. Everything is squared away, as of Friday officially my new address will be 121 Apt # 5 Henrietta Street, Rochester NY 14620.

I kind of like being unsure about everything. I kind of hate being unsure about everything more so. I rarely get my hopes up and I actually have this time. It'll probably be worse if it breaks. I wish I wasn't so naive and easygoing about things. I wish I said "Thank you" more often, and I wish I got it said to me sometimes. I wish battery life was true for everything.

12 dollars and sleeves,
Taking your sweet time and all,
And its now closer.

so

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:29:22 GMT

im very very likely moving to rochester, living in an apartment with krist and anyone who wants to live with us. im completely sure that i want to and i want to do it as soon as possible.

i keep trying to bring it up to my parents. but i really dont know how. im almost 19, its a very normal age to move out. i just dont know how to tell them and is it something i have to *ask* them? because they cant really say no, and if they did, it doesnt matter because im an adult with total capability to go live on my own.

i just hate talking and bringing stuff up on formal official issues. even not formal things. i have trouble saying things to people i love just because i repeat it in my head over and over before i actually say it and i lose nerve. i hate it.

TILDES

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:43:37 GMT

Fucking TARGET BRAND ROCKY ROAD ICE CREAM

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 03:38:43 GMT

Sunday I went to see Black SS and Pulling Teeth in Syracuse with Krist and Emily. Had a solidly nice time, the whole time. Before hanging, the show, post eating and driving, sleeping and showering afterwards... I don't know, its just nice to have complete nice times instead of someone being dramatic and ruining shit or whatever.

Monday I think I killed a bunny on the way home from Rochester. I didn't tell anyone this because I high five'd myself as I hate bunnies. And I didn't read a book.

Tuesday I went and saw Converge, Ceremony, Coliseum, Rise and Fall and Pulling Teeth in Buffalo. I've only been to a few hardcore shows, but this was really great...Ceremony's nuts and Rise and Fall and Pulling Teeth were both pretty awesome. I saw two members of Mandy K and that guy from This Is An Empire and I was really bothered and then I realized what the fuck am I ever doing here too.

As much as I like, love or used to like or love pop-punk, dance-pop, synthy punk pop shit...whatever, the shows just aren't as fun as they used to be. I'd kind of rather spend time hanging out with humans that I know or want to get to know rather than go battle fucking neon brats for a stupid spot at the front so I can sing along to some generic song that a band that charged twenty-five dollars for shirts is singing. There are some things I'll always love, there are some songs I'll always jam to and some bands I will ALWAYS go see. But I think I'm kind of just sick of people.

(Which is also weird because) I love everyone and everything. I'm fifty percent serious about this because I find myself in situations, nothing really out of the ordinary, but they make me very happy and content and make me love life. The fifty percent I'm not serious about is the half that hates everything and everyone because I feel like no one is sincere and everything is complete bullshit. That the people I love are all out to get me and hurt me or something. Its stupid and untrue I think but when I'm actually not out enjoying my days and nights I'm laying in my bed thinking that everything good is going to end.

AND this is one of the reasons I hate sleeping in my bed. I like sleeping on other peoples futons, couches, armchairs, backseats, kitchens, carpeted floors, basements, my own couch, sleeping bags. I like my pillows. I just hate sleeping alone in my bed thinking things.

AND my night just sucked because I finished the peanut butter dammit.

Ri tagged me to do this a little while ago

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 18:49:58 GMT

Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.

Polaroids, Robbie, Shoe Pictures, Flannel shirts/florescent colored clothing, hair spray.

Polaroids: Classic little photographs that are perfect for shoeboxes. I think I like them so much because they are a perfect size. I like how they sometimes make a scene when taken, how sitting around looking through them with friends feels, the sound, the way they look when you mess them up a little on purpose. It just something else to waste money on.

Robbie: I love being called Robbie. If I ever complained about it, its because I know that when you complain about people teasing you about something, it just makes them tease you more. There are things I associate Robbie with that I love thinking about.

Shoe Pictures: I don't even know, people have different shoes...shoes go through a lot. Things that go through a lot deserve to have pictures taken of them.

Flannel shirts/florescent colored clothing: HEY. I just got sick of standard zip up hoodies and switched to flannels okay! They're more comfortable. As for the florescent colored clothing, I just like when things don't go so well together. I'm getting sick of everything though.

Hair spray: Rude :D I just need hairspray to keep my hurr in place.

STUPID CAB

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 18:01:26 GMT

I've been trying to sell this for awhile and people keep falling through with it...selling it on ebay now go look go look.

It's a size small...if you're interested check out the ebay link here

None of this is anything, I'm just writing.

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 04:45:18 GMT

You're looking closer than ever.
The cars in these lots are rusty from under-use and
with the lack of sea-salt, never brought in from the seas.
Nine hours leaves a rush of content, but hardly ever stays.
We drive away in my non-existent Kombi,
and we're hardly a nuisance to the neighbors.
Contradictions in the young face, once a orphan plagued with bad luck
Now stands alone in a different place.

Each time it happens, the only thing broken is the exteriors, the case.
Wasting your time, its a waste of your charm.
Your laptop was the only thing I liked,
Your quirk and charm were the only things I loved.
Sidewalks were the only things that kept me going.
Street signs were the only direction we had.
Not that we took the time to read them.

Frankly, fierce words of encouragement fueled them more than the cheap gasoline did.
Quick as it came to their hands, something as irrelevant as sand broke them down.
Young speckled faces full of heart take more than their share,
What little life is left in them takes them where they need to go.
They all want to know what happened to their ideals.
The stories they've heard and searched for in the truest form imaginable,
Yet could never find.

Truth be told, I never tell the truth.
The days we took dreams seriously and told stories that weren't nice for church.
Every Christmas Eve felt the same.
Every May 28 felt the same.
Each years New Years Eve felt exactly the same.
Every birthday felt less important than before.
Each tactic carefully planned out, each code word and silent sign.
Maybe a year ago this would have been funnny,
Something we joked about at four AM from different locations.
Everyone rushed.

columbia.

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:14:48 GMT

I am on a hunt for the perfect sock. No cutesy sock or stripes or turtles or shit. Argyle possibly. I don't think its white, I think its gray or black or a faded black anyways.

I don't know what the perfect sock is yet... I just know it exists and I'm going to figure it out.

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 05:24:43 GMT

Ludo and Sing It Loud show last night was really good. I'm never amused by The Mornning Light, but This Providence was pretty good. Sing It Loud played and they were really good, but I swear I've seen that stinking same exact set list 10 or 9 times now. I love all the EP songs but I just ... want to hear different songs live. Then Ludo went and it was cool, all the fifteen year old neon kids left and it was a nice, calm older audience and Ludo was amazing. I was mesmerized the entire time I think.

I'm applying for a job internship at various state parks around the country for a summer job just to see if I can do it, get in at all.

putting your number.

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 02:52:17 GMT

1. reading nicely written things.
2. eating food that people bought for you.
3. recorded audio sounds.
4. people people people.
5. for you, anything.
6. i love photobooths and everyone i know:

Attention groups: Both of us there.

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:56:10 GMT

Two feet, two hands, sitting across from me.
Shared drinks, shared plates, split bills and split alliances.
I love meaningful conversations.
Swing sets, screen to screen, lagging reception and little teal booths.
Taking back books, large empty spaces, undesirable chills.
Free shirts but only because they were never for sale.

Best pizza anywhere. Come visit me and we'll go to Pizzaland, anytime.

i love sloths. but.

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 19:27:18 GMT

i love zombies, robots, monsters and dinosaurs.

alright...

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 04:37:56 GMT

i just spent the better part of a mediocre episode of gilmore girls season 2 (because the episode lacked jess and obviously, i like the jess) writing this massively long journal entry about everything ever thats happened to me ever (only sort of but it felt like it) and i did not post it for several reasons that i then wrote a list down about and almost posted. but i didnt.

my mind is clouded or foggy or waffley or something.
i would enjoy brownies or a simliar tasting food right now.

neighbors, cinnamon, big dipper, lawns.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 21:07:12 GMT

my new years eve was excellent.

my pizza place is closed and/or not open til later.
i want pizza land so badly.

!!!

2008.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 04:59:52 GMT

I just realized I never did a 2008 post thing. I am not really keeping track of my shit online as much anymore, rather paper/pen lately, but...

Things that were not sucky:
1. New friends
2. Visiting some cool cities for the first time.
3. Certain things for the first time
4. Many shenans - watertown/socratic, stalking jobros, letchworth, etc
5. November
6. Eliminating jerks from my life for good.

Things that sort of sucked:
1. The end of August til the endish of November.
2. Half of everyone I care about being far away from me.
3. College.
4. Crashing into a mound of snow a little while ago and losing 60% of my bumper.

Today:

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 05:15:59 GMT

I went sledding at 230am in this perfect spot with the perfect amount of snow falling and it was perfect.
I ate a bunch of good food in Syracuse and drove around cute neighborhoods in the awesome snow.
And then we went and got SLOTH tattoos :]
Kristina's going to get a little ferret on her ankle but she didn't get it today, but here's my and Krist's tattoos:

im still not on top of things.

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:25:39 GMT

but tomorrow is my last day of official classes, then finals week, so i do not care about any shit that is due anymore.

went and seen twilight tonight...
it was alright, cuteish...a couple funny zingers.
at least i understand like 70% of the bumper stickers on facebook now.

friday i am getting a tattoo of the word sloth with my friend krist.
in the spot behind my ear where you wont be able to see it when the shaved area grows back hair.
its dumb, i know, but i am quite stoked.

my favorite animal ever:

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 02:26:02 GMT

in TEARS

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 02:59:01 GMT

so la sassyback finale...

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:58:52 GMT

went to hang with kristina and krist on thanksgiving. we screwed around and went and got mcdonalds at like 1am and got breakfast. and then walked down to hess at like 3 am or something. played nintendo and whatnot.

friday we left early and met up with people in albany-ish but we never made it to the rhode island show because there was just not enough time to settle the guest-list thing. so we drove to allentown to get a hotel and we messed around there the whole next day. we got vegan ice cream and cakes and stuff and went to a record store and krists friends book signing which was actually really cool.

the venue at allentown sucked, but the outside had a little bear head on it. i messed the polaroid up so it looks sorta cool. the show was pretty good, we just hung around and didn't really watch ftsk or cobra.

then we drove to albany and slept a couple times along the way and slept in the car in a mall parking lot. we fucked around in albany all day, eating and laying around in the car and loitering. the show was pretty good...awkward venue but the bands were all quite good. we bounced before cobra played and we went to the turning stone casino eventually. i won 25 dollars so i was stoked.

hobos.

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 05:50:07 GMT

Pittsburgh sassyback was pretty good. We missed sing it loud because we...actually I don't remember. But everything else was good. And then we drove home, rather that is, kristina raged at the wheel while krist and I slept. Good going bud <3

Tai tomorrow I'm not that stoked for but toronto sassyback tuesday woo.

Also I suck at cooking.

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:35:33 GMT

Kristina krist and I are enroute to pittsburgh in la snow and my sister is texting me while in labor in kentucky. She's all yelling at me from my mom and then "baby coming talk later"

Woo